


you tried so hard (and in the end it didn't even matter)

by BehindFlickeringLampposts



Series: all the time spent trying to be enough (it's not coming back) [3]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Klaus Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Misunderstandings, References to Depression, Reginald Hargreeves' A+ Parenting, Vanya Hargreeves Deserves Better
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-25
Updated: 2019-06-25
Packaged: 2020-05-19 12:30:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 550
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19357066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BehindFlickeringLampposts/pseuds/BehindFlickeringLampposts
Summary: Klaus is bored and asks himself if he's the only one with that fucked up notion about love in his head.Vanya is just the person to ask.Her answer is a little too close to home.Or, Klaus tries to show Vanya what Ben showed him but words were never a talent of his so he fucks it up. And Vanya panicking and getting lost in her thoughts isn't helping.





	you tried so hard (and in the end it didn't even matter)

**Author's Note:**

> You might want to read the first two works, since I don't think this is too clear alone.

A week after his little talk with Ben, Klaus was sprawled on one of the chairs in the library, books and pens scattered around him. At his side, Vanya worked diligently on her English assignment, and he felt a twinge of envy for her ability with the subject.

 

_Hmm, what did Vanya think about love?_

 

He was pretty sure she'd answer just like Benny dearest but it was worth a shot — _he wanted to be absolutely certain of the fact that he had been the only one with that fucked up notion in his head._

 

“Hey, Van.”

 

She raised her eyebrows, looking at him expectantly.

 

“Do you think everyone deserves to be loved?”

 

“It depends.”

 

“On what?”

 

“Well, if they're worthy of it or not.”

 

Klaus let out a pained sound, understanding just what her thought was and feeling a disgusting kind of familiarity — _wasn't that what he had thought, after all? What he still struggled with and was trying to break out of with Ben's help?_ — clawing at him from the inside, tearing at the soft flesh to come out in the open. Vanya stared at him, incomprehension and worry etched on her every feature.

 

“Klaus?” she asked hesitantly, reaching out to softly touch his hand, attempting to shake him from whatever had upset him so badly.

 

He shook his head, incapable of voicing the strength of the feeling that her confession had evoked inside him. Rapidly, Klaus reached back, wrapping his arms around her slim waist and burying his face in her shoulder. Startled, Vanya tensed before melting into his embrace and wrapping her own arms around him.

 

“What-”

 

“Vanya, no. You have to know. You have to.”

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

“It doesn't work that way, it doesn't. You don't love people because they are worthy, you just do.”

 

“That doesn't make any sense!”

 

**_If it were that way then surely, surely, someone would have loved me, right?_ **

**_But it isn't, so I have to be worthy of it, I can't just expect someone to love me for who I am._ **

 

“Oh God, Vanya, of course it does, look-”

 

**_If it were that way then it would mean that there's something wrong with me. _ **

**_It would mean that I am so horrible no one can love me. So it's better this way, isn't it?_ **

 

“Your family is supposed to love you for who you are, your friends are too.”

 

**_But..._ **

**_But the others never did love me..._ **

**_Does that mean...?_ **

**_It isn't because I'm not worthy._ **

**_It's just that I'm_ _unlovable_.**

 

Vanya clenched her teeth, shutting her eyes tightly to stop the tears from falling. There was an ache in her chest that was growing by the moment, enveloping her limbs, until all she could think about was the numbness that was left in its wake — _All the years spent alone, all the birthdays where no one spared her a glance, every time she heard them sneaking out and leaving her behind, the jokes she was never a part of, hearing them laugh together from another room while she waited for someone, anyone, to see her._

_It would never end._

 

Trembling, Vanya thanked him and quickly left the room.

 

_**'Your family is supposed to love you for who you are.'** _

 

_**Oh.** _

 

She was so very cold.

**Author's Note:**

> As always, tell me what you think and if you liked it. Constructive criticism is appreciated, tell me if I've made spelling mistakes or something like that because English isn't my first language.


End file.
